Holy crap, where did Friday go?

Well hello Saturday morning...

I don't know where yesterday went; lost in hang over and sleep and a great Lost finale.

What an inconvenient time for a dip in blogging drive.

The Matt Good concert on Thursday night was absolutely amazing! Practically a perfect set list, with a pretty high energy level throughout! The meet-up before hand went just as well as last time. It was great to see and meet everybody again. I really do enjoy those things very much!

I had the distinct pleasure of entertaining Melissa from Montreal during the day as well. I'm glad to be able to say that my touring Toronto skills are improving a bit :)

The whole day and night was pretty much perfect!

I think I'll try to blog more details about it later.

About me...

Since someone has asked, and since blogger doesn't have an About Me page feature (or so it seems), I'm going to post up what was in the About Me field on my now long defunct myspace page (I admit it; I had one - a very private one). I wrote this 1 and a 1/2 years ago and while it is by no means all-encompassing (obviously), I think it's all still true.

About me eh? Early twenties...Canadian...

I think I know a couple things...

I think there are certainly some things that I do not understand...

I think studying and understanding history is important...

I think being informed about world issues is important...

I think every person should travel outside of their country of origin at least a couple times in their lifetime...

One day (soon) I'm going to go to Australia...

One of my favourite websites is dictionary.com...

I think the discovery (and subsequent evolution) of music is perhaps the greatest thing to come of humanity...

I think the internet is one of the most important things to come out of this generation...

I try to be a realist...not a pessimist...I believe in cautious optimism...

I believe that honesty, morality, integrity, and empathy are virtues that are slowly being lost...

I know that love exists...

I think that there is not enough time for everything...

I'm pretty sure my purpose in life is not to make someone else rich...

I think responsible media can, and should, but rarely does, exist. It is a business after all...

I respect blogging, especially with regards to breaking news and monitoring the government...

I think Wal-mart is bad for society...

I think most people care too much about what other people think...

I think marijuana is often chastised unfairly...

I think World War II may have been necessary, but the Iraq war is not...

I think Jack Thompson is an ass...

I think Daniel Johns is an absolute genius...

I don't think teachers should be allowed to carry guns...

And lastly, I think there is a lot to say, and much much more to learn...

Want more? Ask questions.

In other news... we are now about 24 hours away from the biggest concert event of the year so far! There is major excitement brewing in Toronto right now... can you feel it? :D

The prodigal son is returning!

Just got the call... The greatest of the Dan's is coming home from Australia next week! And in time for the Hamilton show!

Holy SHIT! I can't believe it.

This is the (second) most awesome surprise possible!

40 excellent bars

This is what I created last (last) weekend. 40 bars of awesomeness (according to me). There was an additional minute or so on the end of this (where I let the "bass line" kind of take over), but it really was largely forced and detracts from how cool I feel this first minute or so is.

I am proud of myself because I have absolutely no formal or practical learnedness in any kind in music (outside of a grade 7 music class, far too long ago). I was just making a sandwich that Saturday and it hit me.

The program I used to compose it is called Noteworthy Composer. You can use it to compose and compile midi files of all different sorts of instruments and whatnot. To me it seems pretty powerful, but also very simple at the same time. I've played with it maybe 5 or 6 times over the last 8 or 9 years, since it was given to the class by that grade 7 teacher - best software recommendation to be ignored and then randomly come back to years later EVER.

What is my next goal? Learn to actually PLAY it :)

The right choice.

Because sometimes the craziest ideas turn out to be the best ideas...

We'll take a leap of faith sometimes,
On a whim and fearlessly.
Trying not to think of consequences,
Trying to embrace the circumstances,
Leading to sweet inspiration,
Taking action to avoid stagnation.

But not this time.

This time there is no mitigating this rational anxiety.
This time there is no justifying the cost when an even larger trip is just around the corner.
This time I have to listen to the little voice inside my head.
No matter how much I do not want to.

It's really too bad.

When I say hip, you say hop...

I went to a Nas concert last night, and I have to say, I was impressed. I don't even really like hip-hop that much and had never been to a hip-hop show before, but really, as far as concerts go, I'd have to say that this show was definitely better than the average rock concert I've been to. A have a few qualms with it though... first, doors opened at 9 and he didn't take the stage until at least 12. Thankfully we got there around 11, so we only had to wait an hour. Had we been there from 9 I would've been really upset. Second, as I said, the show started at around 12...and ended just after 1. He only played for an hour! And throughout the whole thing he was going on about how he loved Toronto and how this is his second home, and yet he didn't play an encore!

That said though, the show from beginning to the end was totally intense and the entire crowd was so into it. I don't think I've ever seen a crowd THAT into it actually! The only example I can think of is the Tool show we saw at the Hamilton Collesium (I believe it was called) where 18000 fans were jamming and screaming at the top of their lungs for 2 and a 1/2 ridiculously intense hours.

Anyway, the first half of this show probably impressed me the most. His DJ basically mixed about a dozen different songs together and Nas just kept going off on it..and every time the song switched it seemed to just get better and better and the crowd would just go crazier and crazier. I love it at rock shows when the band transitions from one song into the next unexpectedly! It would be absolutely crazy if Matt Good or Silverchair or someone got up and played a 30-40 minute montage (?) of a dozen of their songs... could you imagine?

The back half of the show was pretty much composed of one classic after another. And apparently 3 of the songs were from his earliest work (before he was Nas)... a tribute I guess to his most hardcore fans there; and something I can definitely appreciate.

To my surprise, I actually recognized probably 75% of the material he played through. There were even some songs that I knew but never realized they were by him.

In the end, I'm not so happy that I paid almost $50 to see a man and his DJ entertain for only an hour... but given the fact that it was my first hip-hop concert and that for the hour that he did play, it was really fucking good, AND that the whole day in general was pretty much perfect, I'd say it was worth it; I was satisfied.

Gotta give the guy credit too; he really knew how to work the crowd. And it can't be easy to pretty much carry an entire show on a stage in front of two or three thousand people (at least) by yourself and some lights (the obvious example of course being unless it's an acoustic show, in which case it's all about you! heh).

As for the rest of the day; the weather was perfect for being downtown! I got new shoes and my friend got his new camera! A Canon Rebel XT (with a lens) :D

Interesting ride home.

I take a fair number of taxis in my weekly/monthly routine. To and from work mostly, probably on average of 5 or 6 times per week. I've been taking about the business with one of the divers who has picked me up from work somewhat freequently lately; I've always been curious about it, and this guy has been pretty open about it. Anyway, 10-15 years ago the taxi business was a good business; secure and profitable. Today?... not so much.

He says he used to average about $1000 a week back in the early 90s... which was pretty good money back then. Now, he makes $1000 a week if it's a really good week, and even that has declined rrecently as the weather has gotten nicer (summer is typically the slower season) and as the economy has fallen into a bit of a recession (causing people to become more frugal and thus less willing to spend the money on a taxi ride). Consider as well that since the early 90s in Toronto, housing costs/rents have practically doubled (or at least, for this guy), insurance has increased, and gas costs have practically tripled.

He says he pays $50 every time he gets into the car (initial investment, insurance, maintainance, etc.) before gas. I was his third customer today (giving him a measely $10) after about 5 hours of sitting around. He hopes to make around $110-120 today and figures it'll cost him about $30 in gas after about 12 hours. That means he only takes home $30. If he works all 7 days (which he probably will), he'll end up with about $210 after the week. $840 a month roughly. That doesn't even cover his apartment's rent ($1200). He says a taxi driver couldn't get by unless his spouse works as well.

It's a pretty sad state for that industry. I asked him if it was worth considering moving into the city where I presumed there would be more business. He says pretty well every area is having the same problems.

I've always been a big vocal advocate of public transit, though I myself have generally preferred to take taxis when I have trips to make like those to and from work. I find the speed and convenience justifies the cost, at least for my short distances. Lately however, as the prospect of me getting a car has become more and more realistic (see: cost effective), I have been trying to convince myself that all the money I spend on cabs should be going towards such a car fund anyway.

Now I can't help feeling as though getting a car also might mean that I'm really taking away a small but essential piece of someone else's living. And considering that and the environmental impact... it almost makes me wonder if really I shouldn't be thinking of getting a car so much as I should be thinking about taking more cabs.


I'll follow up about the little piano thing I wrote and the program I used as soon as I get a chance (and figure out how to put a midi into a post).

New blog template!

Finally got a new blog template! I still have tons of tweaking I want to do, but alas I must get back to work for now.

BTemplates.com - great site for blogger templates!

This little "song"...

I started writing this big long post about this little "song" I wrote this past weekend that I was extremely proud of myself for. But it got so long and overcomplicated that I ended up reading it back to myself and going "what the hell is this? this is ridiculous."

Blogging is hard!

Actually, blogging is easy; I think it's expressing myself that is hard. It's not that I don't have things I want to say, more that I am just having trouble articulating my ideas in a well-structured way.

I should've paid more attention in English class back in school and actually tried to learn some writing skills.

love/hate and desperation

I don't like your arrogance
But I do, your voice
So soft and sweet
I've made my choice
Never again
Or may all we've built here fall away

I don't like your vanity, really
Unjustified in ignorance, it's probably misleading
Your lucid mirage fits what it needs to
And keeps you calm
But what a fucking joke we are
Or have you forgotten?

You have such pretty eyes
You make me smile
And drink poison as water
As anyone would
You play the game as if it was real
Or have I forgotten?

You play the game as if it was real
You stole my chips
I want them back
I want you back
I liked your voice, your eyes, your smile
I need the lies to fall asleep at night and
All I want is for you to finally go away.

Simple pleasures. Even in the rain.

I walked in the rain last night.

I have discovered this 10 minute walk that I can turn into 20 minutes when I want to that, ever since the weather has gotten nicer, has become this 20 minute period of elation everytime I walk it.

It's the perfect duration for a small joint and a cigarette and blue skies (usually) and nature and 3 great songs on the iPod.

So I slow it right down and I feel great as I get lost my own little world of amazing sounding music and the beauty of everything and I can't get the smile off my face and even if I could I wouldn't want to anyway.

It's 20 minutes of genuine peace. I am in no hurry and I am not debating anything; I am just enjoying the music and the weather and the exercize and the sum of it.

Arriving at my destination, even the most snappy or depressed of characters can't get me down; in fact I probably even bring them up a little.

I look forward to making this walk again tonight, ahead of what will surely be another awesome episode of Lost :D

Today's reality check.

"There are places on our planet, which literally resemble hell on earth... a place that you’d think was conceived by minds of apocalyptic science fiction writers… but is however quite real…

A place, closed off to the tourists, a place where no photographers are allowed to go… and those that do, get their cameras taken away and arrested by the police…..

Today we shall travel to India, Chittagong.
Chittagong has a territory of 144 000 км² and population of 144 million people.
Several beaches around the area bear strange ships, parked in sand as seen from space: ..."

Full Article: Hell on earth (Visual installment 01) by Alexiuss

Just too good not to post.

Silverchair - Insomnia (Across the Great Divide DVD)

"It's a state of emergency Melbourne. Stand the fuck up!"

Well put.

"Nice guys finish last, but don't really mind because they're nice and feel good for the person who finishes first." - Cacciatore

I saw my lungs today.

They're doing pretty well. They looked a little white and blue and transparent. The lady in the know said that that is how they are supposed to look. I asked, "they look alright eh? Nothing blatantly wrong?" to which she replied, "I'm no radiologist. He will look them over and let you know."

Secretly I hope they come back and tell me that I had better quit smoking right now otherwise I'm going to die.

And if that were to happen, secretly I hope that I'd trust them.

I was also supposed to get an ECG done and give blood, but there were 30+ people in the room seemingly waiting to do the same thing. So I said fuck that I'll come back Thursday at 7:30am and hopefully bypass the line. It just wasn't possible for me to spend the whole morning sitting around waiting. There is work to be done after all!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

For those of you that aren't aware, I'm a big fan of "amateur" art. I've got 3 or 4 people on my list of bloggers/artists who I would love to have paint/draw me something... it's really just a matter of saving enough money to make it worthwhile for them. A lot of people I know would question whether or not that would be a good use of my money, you know, but I honestly believe that creativity and its associated skills deserve to be rewarded. AND there is just something so awesome about having a unique piece of work created specifically for someone, by someone...especially when for all intents-and-purposes the two people are almost complete strangers! I love that the internet allows this to happen, and I can't wait until I can get my first one! :P

The following is a portrait by a woman I'm going to have the great pleasure of meeting in a few weeks. She is by no means an amateur (as you can see). Rarely am I genuinely this impressed by anything (outside of music).

Portrait by Melissa Breault

Lost.

Last night's episode was so ridiculous. My boss and I just spent the last hour discussing it over lunch. That has never happened before. Ever. (rarely do I watch TV, much less discuss it for more than 5 minutes)

Honestly, Heroes (the only other exception to the above rule) needs to come back with a huge bang, cause Lost has officially reclaimed it's spot as the best television show (possibly ever).

Proud moment

My cousin drove me in to work this morning (I am staying with them again for a few days) and with about 3 minutes or so left in the drive, 21st century living came on. It makes me proud that he likes Matthew Good, but more-so it makes me proud that when it came it this song, he actually listened to it and paid attention. "If you super-size ambition, does that make you ambitious?" ... he's going to be thinking about that one all day today.

I think about that one almost every day!

------------------------------------------------------------------

The past several days have seen a lot of very powerful posts around the sphere. I haven't commented on any of them but I have been thinking a lot about all of them. Words, for the simple fact that they are only coloured and ordered lines and shapes, can do/invoke some pretty amazing stuff.

None of this is real.

I get people staring at me as if I have something giant and multi-coloured trying to climb out of my neck or something.

Really they’re just jealous. Or curious. Or afraid at looking at anything else but me, maybe.

I don’t mind.

I don’t mind because I like to be looked at. I like that they don’t ever say anything to me because then I get to imagine what it is they might be thinking. And I always imagine that they must want to fuck me. Or they must want to be me. Or anything else really that could be a boon to my ever-increasing ego.

Because I like having an ego.

Because I like having self-confidence.

Because I hate people who don’t have any; what are they afraid of? What are they comparing themselves to? And why?

In our lives there is way too much comparison. Are you pretty enough? Are you successful enough? Do you prefer Fruit Loops or Apple Jacks? Did you know that they just introduced a new blue fruit loop? Do you think that makes them better?

Seriously. A hundred different shapes and colours of the same breakfast cereal is packaged in different, colourful ways that are all SCREAMING at me when I walk down that aisle.

And you know what? It was always my favourite aisle to walk down as a kid. And you know what? It still is. But you know what? I cry about it a little now. I never used to cry about it. I never used to cry about anything really. Now I cry about cereal. And how there’s just too many choices of it. And how they’re all the same… so really what choice is there? And yet they’re all packaged and marketed differently and they sometimes taste a little different and sometimes they have a little white sugar on top or are rotated 45 degrees and re-labeled or get a brilliant new colour thrown into the mix. So maybe they ARE all different. Or maybe the cereal aisle is a perfect example of just how fucked up so many things in our lives really are.

So I avoid going to the super-market these days. And I eat this cranberry and nut and flakes mix for breakfast on the rare occasions that I eat breakfast because I believe the cranberries are good for me and I think the nuts are good for me and I feel better about eating flakes than being a flake since I hang out with flakes and I know, I’m not fooling anybody. I am what I eat. A flake… and a nut… but good for your urinary track at least.

Terrible joke of the day

Do you know why a gun is better than a wife?


You can put a silencer on a gun.

Money woes...

Actually... not really.

I forgot to pay a visa. A visa that I thought I did pay. Which means I'm about $500 broker (more broke? closer to broke?) than I thought I was, and let me tell you, that is not a fun thought at all!

What also sucks about it, is that it was my mum's visa. So I messed with her credit rating a little bit. Sorry mum!

Being in debt consistently is annoying. I don't really mind owing a little bit of money here or there... I know what I'm getting myself into when I put money on the cards. The only thing that really bothers me about it is on those days where I'm really not happy to be at work, and it makes me feel all the more stuck in my job; call it a compounding effect. Further to that, it makes planning future events and trips and what I know are going to be expensive evenings/weekends that much more anxiety-ridden. And that, probably, is what really sucks about it the most.

Ohh man... I really should have saved more money over the last few years.

I still have to buy a new pair of running shoes. And a camera for my friend. And I need a haircut too. What am I gonna do? *this is where I roll my eyes*

A thought for this evening:

Our grandparents (or really, any senior citizen) contain within them a wealth of knowledge and history that none of us can truly appreciate.

I have begun encouraging my grandmother to write down everything about anything significant in her life that she can. I just can't help but feel like there might be something there that is worth knowing... and I'm beginning to feel like I have taken my grandparents - and older people in general - for granted; wasting an opportunity to have access to something unique that won't be around forever.

It's often best just to stay silent.

Political discussions make me angry when I get drawn into discussions about complex issues that I don't completely understand with people who don't completely understand it themselves (though they may think they do). It always starts off simple enough, and usually about things I feel I can speak to, then almost always degrades or gets off topic, turning into something that neither of us are knowledgable enough about. And always, always it ends with each of us trying to dictate to each other how things are or how they need to be or how they could be.

We're all so full of shit it's fucking ridiculous.

I have no legs. I have no legs.

I've got this bad feeling about something coming up that I'm having trouble shaking and it's starting to stress me out a little. I don't usually get bad feelings like this you see, unless I'm about to do something or enter into something that subconciously (I guess) I recognize as a bad idea. I know what it has to do with, but I don't know what about it exactly is causing the anxiety; only that my mind is screaming STOP! DON'T DO IT! YOU WILL END UP REGRETTING THIS AND RUINING EVERYTHING! (... I paraphrase a bit).

The ridiculous part about this though is that when I think about mitigating this by planning NOT to do what's coming up...I get the exact same fucking feelings anyway. This is a damned if I do, damned if I don't situation.

It's kind of a shame really. *shrugs*

----------------------------------------------------------------------

And in other news,

An old friend of mine who moved away for school/girlfriend a couple years ago has returned to town.

On the one hand, I'm happy they're back. It's better for them to be in the city (as opposed to far far away in butt-fuck nowhere), where there are more/better opportunities and more of a support network for them.

But on the other hand... this guy isn't exactly the most positive of influences anymore. And I am trying to cut myself off from such kinds of people.

It will be interesting to see where our friendship goes from here.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Final thoughts:

This blog post sucks lol... I will try to replace it with something more substantial later.

Peace out.