I can't think of a good title, so for better or for worse, this is it.

The worst part about a really bad cold is the muscle weakness; towards the end of it, leaving me barely able to stand on my own two feet.

I've never had a cold that got so bad so quickly as the day went on. Usually it goes the other way. I was so killed by like 9/10 o'clock that even a call with some great news that normally would've had me drop everything to go out, couldn't move me from my uncomfortable position on the couch.

Thankfully, I'm feeling much better today!

-------------------------------------------

Being sick sort of puts you out of your head a little. It adds a little extra spin or twist to things... usually negative, but sometimes positive. Yesterday I decided that I'm just about done with my neuroticism. It's time to start taking real steps to deal with it. It's right up there with the stopping of the smoking and the starting of the real exercising (both of which so far are making great progress).

I do not have complete control over my thoughts and my attitudes, as some people claim they do (and subsequently, that everyone does). But I have been learning how to identify and isolate certain patterns of thought, and with practice, I'm finding that I'm able to "redirect" my thoughts into other, more productive places.

I know that as unfocused as I can be at times, I can also be very focused. Typically this happens with issues I'm passionate about, seemingly as an almost automated response. But I believe that I can learn how to focus myself; be it simply as a means to ensure that I don't forget things (as I so often do), or as a means to compartmentalize one set of feelings or another in order to stay focused on getting work done.

Historically, I have shied away from (or flat out rejected) trying to change certain aspects of my psychology, because the line between self-improvement and self-indoctrination (or brainwashing) is very thin (possibly non-existent, in fact). I've believed that my thinking has developed and evolved in the way that it has, as it has, simply as a reflection of my circumstances in life and the things that I have done/experiences that I have had. But lately I've been questioning and wondering just what exactly have caused things to be the way they are [inside my head] and if these are things that I did to myself in the first place, then perhaps some of these things deserve to be undone by me as well.

So in the end I guess we're calling the next few weeks an experiment in self and thought-control. I find it kind of funny that I'm writing about it here, but what the hell eh? I haven't been blogging very much about other things anyway.

Cheers!